A Mother’s Day without Jodi

 Dear Jodi,

I’ve thought about what I’d write to you today – Mother’s Day.   I could easily write — all that I had done for you, the lessons I taught you, and even how I embarrassed you — being your mother.  Or recall past Mother’s Days and even dream about our future of what could have been.  Either way — I had to “give you back.”

And that has been the hardest job of being a mother!   As time passes, the more I’m convinced that surviving changes us.  I look at life differently because your death gave my life new meaning and purpose.  

Often I think about our final hours and moments together.  We made promises to each other and most importantly, we talked about the lonely journey ahead.   I believe you were leading me into the future — while I was loving and holding you.

The late Gilda Radner said it well:  “I wanted a perfect ending.  Now I’ve learned the hard way that some poems don’t rhyme and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end.  Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next.” 

Delicious ambiguity on my sixth Mother’s Day without you. 

Love,

Mom

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8 Comments

Filed under Letters to Jodi, Life Coaching, Loss of a Child, Peg Calvario's Blog

8 responses to “A Mother’s Day without Jodi

  1. Katie G

    Mrs C,

    Although your amazing daughter has passed, you have continued to be amazing with jamie. Through a bit of tough love and a lot of strength and support you have proven how amazing a mother you are. I remember how positive our Jodes spoke of you and I hoped that over the following years we could become close, and I am grateful we have! I did want to wish you a happy mothers day from myself and Anna!

    Love always,
    Katie

    • Peg Calvario

      Katie,

      Love having you and Anna in my life! You girls help keep Jodi vibrantly alive for all of us. Glad to know you recognize “tough love.” 🙂

      Peg

  2. Starla J. King

    Peg, I absolutely love your ending phrase here, of “Delicious ambiguity” … that will be my intention this week… to embrace the delicious ambiguity and all it holds.

    Thank you Peg, and thank you Jodi.

    • Peg Calvario

      Starla,

      Love how you found meaning in this letter. Your comments always get me to experience more of Jodi.

      Peg

  3. When we mothers lose our children we are never the same and this we both know, Peg. Writing our feelings about loss helps so very much in a healing process and also keeps the communion alive with our children who are on the other side now.

    Our Katie has been gone since the summer of 1999. She had a wicked sense of humor (like Jodi) and I do, too. Here are some of my thoughts this Mother’s Day. http://www.mjhb.net/?p=64

    Love and peace,
    MJ

    • Peg Calvario

      MJ,

      You did it again – your blog written with depth of insight. It’s so hard to decide am I “blessed” or “bless ed.” My intention is an attitude of gratitude – of which I’m most grateful we met.

      Peg

  4. Pingback: Father’s Day Celebrates “A Daughter and Her Dad” « Peg Calvario's Blog

  5. Pingback: Father’s Day is June 17th » Letters to Jodi - Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Philadelphia and worldwide| peg calvario

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